“We may not be able to prepare the future for our children, but we can at least prepare our children for the future.” – FDR
Has it been all fun and games? Not quite. Has it been a truly fulfilling and amazing experience? Absolutely.
I wanted to volunteer my time because, well, life can be a minefield. I’m lucky to have had a positive upbringing, helpful mentors, and amazing friends. I recognized hard work and self-respect as part of the equation for “success and happiness.” And yet, over the years, the “right” choices were not always clear to me. Lessons I had learned in my youth often conflicted with new messages filtering through the media, other people, or my own evolving perspective. Let’s just say I made near missteps more than once. It took a bit of hard work and soul-searching to move forward in positive, meaningful ways. Fortunately, I possessed many of the tools needed to navigate some rough waters—tools I had learned as a kid from strong, positive mentors in my life.
So about seven years ago, I realized that I wanted to be a supportive presence in one young girl’s life, and to let her know that she should always believe in herself and her future.
I contacted the Big Sister Association of Greater Boston. After an orientation and a rigorous interview, I enrolled in their eye-opening two-day training, which included presentations by current and former Big Sisters. There were videos portraying challenging scenarios we might encounter and suggestions on how to handle these situations, a plethora of resources for activities (both educational and purely fun), and reminders that being a Big Sister is about being a role model—and simply “being there” for your Little Sister.
Eventually, I was matched with an eight-year old girl from Dorchester. My “Little Sis” Alicia* (now 15) and I have covered every fun activity from A-Z, and then some! This includes bowling, roller skating, baking, painting, tennis, visits to museums, the movies, the zoo, various parks, the theatre, the gym, the library, and more! It’s not always easy to coordinate schedules or agree on plans. I make about 527 decisions during a four-hour visit (okay, maybe 27, but it sure feels like a lot more). I’m hoping at least half of those are the right decisions.
While our visits are usually enjoyable and fun, they’re not all sweetness and light. Sometimes we encounter difficult emotions or topics, such as gang-related shootings in her own neighborhood. Alicia and I have had long conversations, short conversations, and sometimes simply no conversation with rather awkward silences. And now that she is a teenager, believe me, we don’t always agree with one another. The important thing is that we work out our disagreements together.
Fortunately, with the Big Sister organization, we also have a constellation of support, including a monthly activity newsletter, workshops, and social or educational events. I have a qualified representative to help answer questions and discuss any issues. With this support, I feel I am a better Big Sister, a better role model.
Last year I moved to Newburyport. The greater distance and my new schedule has made it challenging to meet with Alicia as regularly as we used to. I’ve even wondered if Alicia, being a teenager, no longer wants a Big Sister. Maybe our visits will dwindle to a few times a year—or maybe one day we’ll just stop meeting.
But Alicia and I are now friends. She still calls me to discuss our next visit. I still make the drive to Boston, and we still go off on our adventures. I am there for her. And it turns out Alicia is there for me too. The lessons she has taught me are a gift. I feel I have become a stronger, more flexible person. And maybe most of all a better listener.
My Little and I have formed a unique bond that I cherish. When she sings in the car, asks me questions about life, tells me she had a tough day, or offers to share her dessert with me, I remember that “just being there,” really there, is what it’s all about.
Are you considering becoming a Big Brother or Sister? There are a number of Big Brother/Big Sister organizations closer to Newburyport, including Exeter, Lawrence, and Beverly. In the Boston area there is Big Brother/Big Sister of Massachusetts Bay, as well as The Big Sister Association of Greater Boston (where I volunteer).
Let me know if you have any questions about this worthwhile organization.
*Little sister name changed for this article